A wise girl once told me, if I have memories with a certain someone that override my thoughts so much to the point where I can no longer go to the locations where those memories were created, I need to return to them anyway. She said to me, “return, and go by yourself. Then go with someone else. Then go with everyone. Go so much that those memories truly just become memories, and create some new ones.” and I believed her. For those memories with that boy I did.
But now there is you.
Everywhere I go on campus there is a memory with you. Miller hall as I buy you a donut before sociology with Ricky. Our spot on the third floor of the library, the one where if I stop answering my phone, you go there. I always turn to watch the panda express line, even when you aren’t with me, while I am buying my sandwich at subway. The first day we met, I think about that day every time I walked into physics. Miller hall, with Holly, our girl. The comm. lawn, where you lay in those black leggings. You are everywhere Zoe Dale. And as much as it will hurt to be there without you next year, I wouldn’t change a single thing about this one.
You always say I taught you how to get out of your comfort zone. But you did the same for me. You have taught me about being confident in myself, my voice, my laugh, who I am. You have taught me to never settle for less than what I believe I deserve. You have taught me how to laugh at myself, and to be confident in who I am.
Before coming to Western I was nervous about my body. I know what you're thinking, Sierra Howard you are absolutely perfect and should be a model. Believe me- I know that now. However, when I first came I was nervous. I didn’t want to show off anything. I wanted baggy sweatshirts. And yet it wasn’t the gym that taught me to be confident in my own skin, it was you. I put on my bathing suit yesterday and I looked in the mirror and in my head I told myself I did not look good. And then outloud I said, that doesn’t matter. It is not my job to look pretty. And then I smiled. Because I thought of you.
Zoe dale you truly have changed my life. Drastically. And I am so thankful. Thank you for always pointing me and my heart towards God. Thank you for laughing loudly with me. Thank you for crying with me. Thank you for walking up to Kappa even when its a hurricane outside. Thank you for holding me accountable when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball after my grandad passed. Thank you for getting starbucks and woods coffee with me even though you hate coffee. Thank you for ALWAYS going in the water when I ask you too. I think you were like that for me. I spent my life on the shore, too afraid to swim. You fucking pushed me in. Thank you. Thank you for being my best friend up here. Thank you for being my home, because that is what you have been for me. You have been my home. And no matter the distance, when we are together again, I will feel at home.
Thank you Zoe Bianca Dale.
I could never repay you. But I will try.
Go follow your dreams, and I’ll follow mine. I don’t know if there will ever be another time where you and I are truly taking on life together like we did this year. Taking on life through the tears, the laughs, and my off switch. I don’t know. But Lord knows I am incredibly thankful for the short nine months that we spent side by side. Go rock someone elses world, Zoe. Turn theirs upside down like you did for mine. And then that one day when you are getting an award for whatever you won (best comedian, best laugh, best cryer, mostly known for crying on command when shown a dog video, etc.) and they ask you, who were you close with in college? Mention me. Wear that dress that makes you happy, wear makeup or don’t, maybe change your hair part up a little for spice (??), and laugh when you say my name. Because if you have taught me anything this year Zo, its how to laugh.
And when that is all big and exciting, remember that in my head you are still the girl who bought ten dollar sunglasses at a sketchy gas station, the girl who can do a killer dive into the water, the girl whos laugh gets made fun of on the bus becuase we are having too good of a time, the girl who wears that damn north face everyday, the girl who would walk hill after hill for me, the girl who takes the bus for an hour just for a bowl at chipotle, a girl who takes the bus with me just to go to church because her friend is religious, a girl who is never afraid to tell me how bad my hair looks, a girl who would hurt anyone that hurt me, a girl that started watching Glee because her friend asked her to, made her really, a girl who will sing so loudly in the car with me, so off key, that I swear the whole earth shakes when you put on Taylor Swift, and a girl who learned how to skip rocks her freshman year of college.
Damn it, Zoe. Im going to miss you like crazy next year. This city screams your name for me. But I would never want you to stay if that meant you were giving up on your dream. I want you to chase your dream until it has to be yours. And then I want you to be so proud of yourself you can’t see straight. Like when you sleep in your contacts. I want it to be that kind of can’t see straight.
I love you girl, thank you.
Home.
I found my home in you.
My little temporary home.
